betty
Member
Posts: 6,349
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Post by betty on Aug 8, 2012 22:18:09 GMT
i'm really sorry too Merc, Sam and SO. it must be really worrying for you all.
my rants just pale into insignificance.
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Post by s.a.m on Aug 8, 2012 22:21:04 GMT
They don't pale into anything B, don't say that. You're sadly just losing your Mum in a different way
But thanks guys. It's not something I often talk about but unfortunately that doesn't make it go away. If only
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merc
Member
warning. may contain mild peril.
Posts: 7,320
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Post by merc on Aug 8, 2012 23:43:31 GMT
they dont pale betty.. at all.. watching a parent deteriorate is horrifying, no matter what.
sdot SO and stc.. im really sorry, i didnt know that you were having similar situations.
im not a big talker.. the only reason i posted on here was because its not talking to people face to face which i find hard at the best of times and nigh on impossible if its over something like this.
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Post by scooby on Aug 9, 2012 5:51:20 GMT
I am so sorry to hear about all your parents.
My mum died of secondary liver cancer 16 years ago now I can't believe its really that long. The one thing I regret is not spending more time with her at the end. They were very vague about how long she'd got and in the end she died 3 months after being diagnosed. The one thing I hold on to is that she didn't suffer at the end.
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merc
Member
warning. may contain mild peril.
Posts: 7,320
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Post by merc on Aug 9, 2012 9:10:13 GMT
This is what worries me the most I think. Time. I don't know how much there is and I can't spend a lot with her as she's in France and I'm in Edinburgh. I have no idea how to deal with this at the end either.
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tofu
Member
Posts: 15,045
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Post by tofu on Aug 9, 2012 9:16:47 GMT
can you take some time off work, compassionate leave or unpaid leave?
my mum was given 6 months after her diagnosis...as it happened she had 6 weeks, but they were 6 weeks at home with me and i'm so glad i had them with her
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Post by garfield on Aug 9, 2012 9:38:31 GMT
So sorry to hear about all the troubles you're all going through. Nothing constructive to say, just sympathies to you all
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merc
Member
warning. may contain mild peril.
Posts: 7,320
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Post by merc on Aug 9, 2012 12:38:03 GMT
can you take some time off work, compassionate leave or unpaid leave? my mum was given 6 months after her diagnosis...as it happened she had 6 weeks, but they were 6 weeks at home with me and i'm so glad i had them with her no. work is in consultation at the minute for and organisational reshuffle.. there will likely be redundancies.. im in middle management which is an affected tier.. those keeping their jobs will be assessed on performance and attendance.. my performance isnt an issue.. but im in the position where if i take sick/compassionate/stress/unpaid leave at this point then i risk redundancy which then knocks on to losing home etc. i know it sounds terribly selfish but at this point i cant get my head around losing mum, job and home in a oner. i will probably just throw the job/flat at the end to go over and be there and take the consequences/rebuild after but for NOW im avoiding thinking about it until i have a clearer picture. im really not sure what the prognosis is.. first was the breast cancer then peace for 7 years.. then bone last year.. and lung seems to be secondary to the bone but the bone was secondary to the breast so generally im getting a bit lost with explanations of what it all means.
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Post by leibniz on Aug 9, 2012 13:18:23 GMT
It's absolutely not selfish!
It's completely impossible to know what to do in these situations, because you don't know if it's going to get better, and when etc.
It's soul destroying not to now what to do.
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Swamp Ophelia
Member
what if everything we have adds up to nothing - emily saliers
Posts: 1,416
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Post by Swamp Ophelia on Aug 9, 2012 17:20:53 GMT
s.a.m you mum is amazingly strong and selfless. Her family must mean the world to her.
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Post by s.a.m on Aug 9, 2012 19:00:57 GMT
I'd like to think so but apparently I 'will be the death of her' because I am such a pain in the arse. Golden child sibling can do no wrong of course. I like to think it is my being annoying that gives her the will to live just to nag/berate me more <g>
I know I'm biased 'cos she's my Mum but she is awesome. She is far braver than I am and could ever be
Merc, I too don't like to discuss it. It upsets me. I know 'ignoring' it doesn't make it go away and isn't very growed-up, but living in a semblance of denial is less hurty sometimes. And I'm not very growed-up anyways
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Swamp Ophelia
Member
what if everything we have adds up to nothing - emily saliers
Posts: 1,416
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Post by Swamp Ophelia on Aug 9, 2012 19:59:21 GMT
Merc, I wouldnt want to be in your shoes. That's one hell of a dilemma.
The mortgage is a millstone around your neck but it's also your future.
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Post by sleepytigercub on Aug 10, 2012 14:56:32 GMT
It's a long time over for me, merc, which is why I can talk about it. Actually, I lost my mother, my long-term partner (splitting up, not death) and a close friend (lung cancer) within a 6 month period. It made me realise that there are some periods of life that just have to be endured, and that no matter what decisions you make you will feel guilt, so just do the best you can. My sister was in France when Mum died. She wanted to cancel her holiday but Mum wouldn't hear of it, insisting she'd still be there when they got back. She wasn't, and I know my sister feels guilt over that. But Dad and I lived in towns 40 mins away from the hospice and we missed her by 20 mins. My brother was on the motorway. You can only do what you can do, and the last thing your mum would want would be you f*cking up the rest of your life. This is, after all, the woman who screams "don't sign anything over to them" at the first whiff of a gf She's not going to want you to jeapordise your future. Do what you can, but look after yourself too.
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dottydolly
Member
I left the closet a while ago....
Posts: 1,295
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Post by dottydolly on Aug 10, 2012 20:04:35 GMT
Merc, would you be able to consider renting your flat out while you are away?
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Post by scooby on Aug 10, 2012 22:00:12 GMT
I think you are so right STC, when my dad was dying I was determined to spend more time with him, I still ended up feeling guilty as I didn't get there in time. I was with my mum at the end but she was in a coma and didn't know anything about it. I comfort myself with the thought that my parents knew how much I loved them.
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