betty
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Post by betty on Jul 18, 2012 20:33:10 GMT
just had care link on the phone, mums just been found wandering outside ffs. this is horrendous stuff. very heartbreaking. my sister has gone to sort as I've got the munchkin here.
serious wet eye going on. big, serious decisions to be made
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Post by garfield on Jul 18, 2012 20:51:20 GMT
Oh Betty. Big hugs. Poor your mom n poor your family. It's a horrible situation. Hope the decisions make it easier for all of you. Sometimes making them is the hardest part. Thinking of you.
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betty
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Post by betty on Jul 18, 2012 21:32:36 GMT
thank you
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obeeky
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So here I am once more...
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Post by obeeky on Jul 20, 2012 15:30:11 GMT
hey Betty, I hope social services are involved because obviously it's not safe for your poor mum if she wanders. Thinking of you and hoping that your family are supporting each other.
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betty
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Post by betty on Aug 3, 2012 16:17:29 GMT
thanks keebo!
yes they are now involved and have arranged an extra care visit so thats 4 times a day now she has someone in to admininister her meds. they are put out of reach but today she had got the steps out, climbed and reached her meds from the top of the kitchen unit and helped herself to tomorrow nights meds.
someone s coming next week to put a sensor under her bed and a camera on the front door to moniter her monvements incase she happens to wander. its a very worrying time as she has become even worse in the last week. the worry is always there. we are all constantly visiting and cantacting her throughout the day to try and keep the confusion to a minimum. i was out last night but was constantly worrying about her. i know its only a matter of time before we have to have the dreaded conversation about care homes but i cant even bring myself to think about it, makes me feel sick.
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merc
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warning. may contain mild peril.
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Post by merc on Aug 3, 2012 21:56:37 GMT
my mum had breast cancer 8 years ago.
last year she was diagnosed with bone cancer. the early stages were hideous and she was seriously ill after losing her white blood cells and picking up an infection which nearly ended her. i spent 6 months in france with her last year until my dad retired in summer.
she was put on to tablet chemotherapy which was stopped after it gave her kidney failure.. this was at the beginning of this year.
shes had 4 sessions of slow release IV chemotherapy to try and bring it under control. she has 2 left of this round.. i dont know if it will be extended or not.
they said early doors that if the tablet chemo failed they'd do IV, and if the IV failed then that would be it.
ive been aware that while shes been under treatment the markers have been on the rise indicating that things arent good, but ive just found out that the cancer has spread to one of her lungs.
im not an idiot and i get that this is pretty much spelling out the end but i am trying to avoid google as it does no good and i can do without losing the plot.
i was wondering if anyone knew what the score was with secondary lung cancer.. if there was a chance left etc.. or if its quick.
the dr says that its being treated along with the bone cancer because shes under chemo.. but clearly if its arrived in the middle of that treatment then it isnt working.
there was some talk of using hormones to starve the bone cancer in conjunction with the chemotherapy, but i dont know if hormone treatment works for lungs too.
any advice would be appreciated.
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betty
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Post by betty on Aug 4, 2012 7:22:14 GMT
^ i'm really sorry to hear that merc . i'll keep my fingers crossed that whatever treatment she has does some magic x
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DJ
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Post by DJ on Aug 4, 2012 8:17:15 GMT
Really sorry to hear this Merc. With secondaries it seems to vary a lot from person to person when it comes to timescales. Maybe try: community.macmillan.org.uk/Online forum for support and info on the hormone therapy etc.
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merc
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warning. may contain mild peril.
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Post by merc on Aug 4, 2012 10:06:54 GMT
It's okay and thank you. I'm not going to register/use forum on the Macmillan site.. I've read the factual stuff just now but I'm not really one for the talking to strangers thing.
Im hoping that she gets a clearer update and plan of action from the hospital in a week or two.
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DJ
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Post by DJ on Aug 4, 2012 10:49:20 GMT
Yeah I think those kind of forums can be a mixed blessing. Hope your Mum gets a proper update soon.
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obeeky
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So here I am once more...
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Post by obeeky on Aug 4, 2012 13:12:23 GMT
I am hugely sorry to hear about your mum's struggle too.
Be aware that the hospital may not be completely open about the time left - there were only two occasions I got a clear answer with dad; when they couldn't give any more chemotherapy (they were considering palliative radiotherapy for pain relief) and when I went in specifically to ask directly how much time dad had. They said weeks rather than months and he died 2 days later. There is a lot of research saying that hope is really important in treating cancer so I understand why they don't say much, but personally I found the whole situation easier once I knew what they were doing and why. Then I could look up the treatment and the odds etc myself.
If your mum is ever admitted to hospital, the discharge letters are often hugely helpful sources of information.
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Post by sleepytigercub on Aug 8, 2012 13:11:46 GMT
Merc, I've only just seen this. I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum.
My mum died from secondaries in the lungs and liver from breast cancer. One of the reasons they are reluctant to give timescales is that it's hugely unpredictable and at best they are only giving you their best guess. When pushed they gave my mum 6 months, but she was gone much sooner than that. However, she made the decision not to be treated with IV chemo second time round as her first experience was just dreadful and only really endurable when there was still hope. The docs admitted that a second round would be delaying the inevitable and she chose a shorter more pleasant life over a longer more miserable one. The palliative care she received till the end was outstanding, and she was never in much pain. That was in 1995 and the palliative treatments have got even better since then.
That was the right decision for my mum in her circumstances. Obviously your mum's experience of treatment may be entirely different, but for my mum feeling like she had the facts and made her own decision helped. In so far as there is such a thing, she had a good death. It was long enough to have reached a certain level of acceptance that meant she was able to savour the time she had left and enjoy family visits and she died with nothing left unsaid. But short enough and pain-controlled enough not to be unendurable. The first time she said she'd had enough (to my godmother while I was out of the room) was the day before she died.
There's a lot they can do to make it easier for her. Unfortunately, there's bugger all they can do to make it easier for you, other than make it easier for her. Small comfort, I know, but it's all I've got.
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Swamp Ophelia
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what if everything we have adds up to nothing - emily saliers
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Post by Swamp Ophelia on Aug 8, 2012 20:38:01 GMT
i've only just seen this too. So sorry Merc. I know nothing about secondaries, sorry.
my dad has lung cancer, was diagnosed earlier in the year. he decided not to have treatment. Apparently the older you are (he's 78) the slower the cancer growth. Recently i have noticed that he is going downhill pretty quickly, he has breathing difficulties which bring on panic attacks. he hardly goes out anymore. he has a mcmillan nurse assigned to him and she is wonderful. My older sister is coming over from NZ in a couple of weeks, none of us have seen her for 12 years. i get the feeling my dad is hanging on for that and that after she goes back he will let himself go.
he is very worried about how my mum will cope on her own, and i have assured him that i will take care of her. She has all sorts of things wrong with her, mainly back and neck problems and has relied on him for many years so i feel it is my duty to go back home when the time comes. i'm perfectly ready to walk out of my job anyway but i guess my life would go on hold while i become her carer.
i'm digressing but i have a lot on my mind right now.
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Post by s.a.m on Aug 8, 2012 21:50:46 GMT
My Mum has terminal (secondary) liver cancer (she had an eye tumour removed about 14 years ago and they had said it had not migrated anyplace else and she did not need further treatment etc etc) A very small breast tumour which appeared, has been zapped with radiotherapy. Another has since popped up in a lung. She has had one course of chemo which did seem to temporarily halt the liver tumours (they cannot cure it so that was all that was hoped for). They are now growing at a constant but fairly slowish rate. Another chemo course has been mentioned but she is very thin so I think they are reluctant to subject her to it unless absolutely necessary. She will not get better, this I know but she has done amazingly well and is still fighting hard. She has embraced a 'hippified diet' which we were all highly sceptical of (not being hippified kinda people) with a mixture of traditional Western medicine and some homeopathic stuff. She is amazingly awe-inspiringly practical and realistic and brave. Her initial prognosis was 6 months to a year. She has just reached her 5 year 'post diagnosis' anniversary. I bl00dy hope she reaches her 6th (and beyond). I cannot offer any words of wisdom as I don't have any. It f*%3ing sucks
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Post by leibniz on Aug 8, 2012 22:10:03 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear about all your parents. I find you all so brave and positive though, I think you're amazing, all who have posted in this thread.
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