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Post by zodiac on Aug 6, 2011 21:02:51 GMT
Thank you G. I wanted a sound off. I'm at a loss as to why she would say something, then deny it to make it appear like it was all in my mind. Does she realise what it does to someones head to be played like that? Does she care? I feel so so worthless...
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Post by greyhoundnutter on Aug 6, 2011 22:03:50 GMT
you are not worthless! my ex wife did the same to me when she left me for someone else, i guess they do it to make themselves feel better without thinking how it makes you feel. i know is hard but try to keep your chin up and make sure you talk to your friends or someone about it don't keep it in x
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Post by sarahjane on Aug 9, 2011 11:23:27 GMT
I am not sure if it is my 'clinical depression' (which infact has never been officially diagnosed, I just know myself)... or the fact that my OH seems miles apart from me in 'singing from the same hymn sheet' that has brought me down of late. We have been together for 4 years and it has been great (very few blips and mostly monetary matters as we have both been unemployed long term.) Only now is she telling me what she really thinks, and it seems that we are poles apart from where I thought we were. (Maybe I was just kidding myself that all was OK?) She is a very postive/upbeat person, and I am the worrier. I try so hard to keep positive in my current situation (no income, not even income support, a wasp allergy that keeps me housebound during the summer months and totally cut off from friends that I used to have before I met OH.) In reply to her Q last night, 'Why don't you do something about these things that are bothering you', my reply was - 'As possibly this is as good as it gets.' (We would need to make some radical/life changing moves if we are to address some of the issues - about where we live for eg.) Sorry to pour it all out - but I hope this is where I am ok to do it (as OH doesn't seem to be able to take it in
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Post by leibniz on Aug 9, 2011 11:47:18 GMT
Oh that sucks SJ, there aren't many things as bad as that feeling of not being on the same page in a relationship. Especially as you've said in the past she's not much of a talker.
I would say to try to keep your mind busy with other things, and it might help you see things more clearly when you're not so caught up in them, but being housebound doesn't make it easy I guess.
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Post by sarahjane on Aug 9, 2011 12:31:33 GMT
Thanks Lebniz. I hope to be out and about more once the summer is over and the chances of being attacked by wasps is less. (I had to go to the clinic for top up injections just last week as the 2 shots I took at home didn't do the job fully Re OH - I had thought we 'rubbed along' very nicely. (We do think in same words/finish others sentences alot, but I guess that is not enough when it comes to being different personalities. I know they say opposites attract, but I am sure she is fed up of my -ve outlook as much as I am of her positive one. Not that I don't want to be positive, but IMO I am more of a realist than she on balance, as she 'lives for the day' and doesn't really like to do any sitting down and planning.) Guess I have to live with it - or find something new...
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Post by leibniz on Aug 9, 2011 12:38:14 GMT
I think it must be harder if you're together 24/7. I remember you said you guys were happy with each other so didn't need any friends (in short). I think at a time like this having friends would really help you. Maybe it's time (when Summer's over) to get to know new people? Friends can not only be a distraction when things are bleak but also a source of support. And they're good too when things are not bleak.
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spirit
Member
Let them throw their curses. If inside, I am connected to what's true, my soul stays quiet and clear
Posts: 3,986
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Post by spirit on Sept 13, 2011 9:31:34 GMT
After what happened this morning, I'm wondering if anything else can possibly go wrong. I thinks that's just about it now.
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Post by greyhoundnutter on Sept 18, 2011 22:14:56 GMT
after everything thats gone on lately have sat here tonight and realised how lonely i am yet again!
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Post by sarahjane on Jan 22, 2012 0:51:30 GMT
Feeling the need to visit this page again. (Thanks Leibniz for your kind/sensible words. 6 months ago ^.) I have not got out the house as such.. although I have, but not in the way I expected! We did sit down and talk after my meltdown after yet another birthday of strained efforts on OH's part.. Turns out that it is going to be a big change after all. Since that day she took it on as a 'project' to get us moved on, nearer a town, and we have been through the various stages of househunting, finding the right one, but are still in progress of waiting to move as there have been several leagal issues along the way, (not to metion finanical ones.) I cannot really give a blow by blow of everything that has happened, but just to say I think OH is determined to make this work (the house move part at least), partly as she has some old issues of her own to reconcille, and I think being back on the property ladder will reslove some of those for her. Yes - we are going to buy! (But have limited funds, and this is just another issue that is adding to my stress.) My main worries at present, are that she is not only making this a priority, she has also lost her job (one that she thought was 100% secure), but was re-hired in 48hrs (as they 'made a mistake'... what was all that about???)... This has triggered her to come up with a business idea - (so she can tell them to get stuffed as soon as it takes off) - but all this combined with every thing else that is going on, is making for a very stressful time (for us both, but she refuses to see that we need to take a step back and perhaps prioritise and take things a step at a time.) I don't know if I am being unfair by asking her to slow down the world as I need to catch my breath. I am in quite good mental health at present, but this roller coaster ride is making me quite dizzy! I have just drafted her a letter in the middle of the night (we agreed last time if we had some 'big issues' to discuss a friendly letter to the other as a precursor to a 'big chat' was a good way to say things/start the ball rolling.) But I know what I have to say is now just repeating stuff we have talked over in the past few months. She constantly says that I need to 'Let stuff go' (ie some stuff that happened this week where someone ripped us off), but she doesn't seem to see/want to know? that she has her own deep held stuff that she is trying to exorcise. And it is in danger of pushing us apart if she willfully carries on acting like a person possessed. Phew.. there, feel better for writing it down!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 18:05:23 GMT
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Post by twitch on Jun 18, 2012 6:52:25 GMT
Signed off work for two weeks for a start. Wish i could turn off my brain as now I'm just worrying about my colleagues having to pick up my slack on top of everything else. I want to resign, as i have to give three months notice and i can't see my way to sorting anything else out until i do, but my partner is worried about money (even though i have enough in savings to pay my share of the mortgage for nearly a year, and I'll do any job while i look for something decent). I'm stuck as i can't betray her by just resigning anyway, but the thought of going back is starting to make me think about what sort of 'accident' would keep me off. And i can't tell her its that's bad as it sounds so f'in melodramatic its pathetic. Hope the tablets start to kick in sooner rather than later.
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merc
Member
warning. may contain mild peril.
Posts: 7,320
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Post by merc on Jun 18, 2012 18:19:28 GMT
Don't worry about your colleagues. For a start, they won't be worrying about you.. And for a second thing, when people go off sick or etc.. Workload just gets absorbed.. It's not the end of the world.
Probably wise to find something to go into before resignation.. That's the practical element.. But quite genuinely I sympathise with the job hating thing.
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Post by twitch on Jun 18, 2012 20:01:33 GMT
I think its knowing that if i wait i will have to work a whole 3 months notice if i get a job offer... I'm a social worker and i just can't do it at the moment. The period of notice will mean i can't go for some jobs who want someone sooner. I guess its adding to the feeling of not being in control that i can't just do what i feel i need to and that my other half is to some extent putting finances before my health. And its not as if I'm not in a reasonably comfortable financial position and would need to find work straight away. And my head is so full of current job i can't string a sentence together for applications. Meanwhile I'm averaging 2-3 hours sleep a night, I've lost my appetite, i haven't left the house without my OH for over a week and i can't settle to do anything. Sorry - long winded rant and whine
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merc
Member
warning. may contain mild peril.
Posts: 7,320
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Post by merc on Jun 18, 2012 21:44:54 GMT
If a job is offered subject to references.. What's the worst they can do if you work a shorter notice?
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Post by twitch on Jun 18, 2012 21:47:24 GMT
sue me for breach of contract.....
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