Cystoscopies

[Moderators]

I'm currently struggling with going to the doctors as they want me to have invasive procedures done (specifically a cystoscopy).

I have hugely strong feelings against this and have refused the procedure...I struggle with going to the gp for blood pressure checks and really don't like people I don't know in my personal space.

For me the thought of lying down on a bed, undressing and wearing a hospital gown is just horrific...I cannot make myself that vulnerable to a total stranger. The thought of having any sort of invasive procedure is no different to rape in my mind.

I would really like to know if there are other women out there, especially lesbians, who feel similar to me and whether there are any organisations that can advise me on how to make my feelings clear to a gp about how strongly I feel.

Thanks,

first78

[leibniz]

Hi First78,

No one can force you to undertake any procedure, so all you'll have to tell them is no.

Have they told you why they would like you to do this? Do you worry about what can possibly be wrong with your health?

I recently needed to have a procedure done that really worried me, and I probably felt less strongly than you about it because I never considered refusing, but I told the doctor how worried and stressed I was and he offered to have me sedated for it.

It really helped. You're not going to sleep completely but it really relaxes you, and afterwards you just have a hazy memory of what happened.

Maybe it's worth considering asking your doctor if that would be available to you, if you hate the thought of the procedure but would still like to rule out a possible serious health problem?

Good luck, whatever you do!

[first78]

Hi Leibniz, thanks for your reply

I have had 3 seperate instances of blood in my urine over the past 9 months and the dr said they needed to find the cause for these reoccurring infections. She said they wanted to do a cystoscopy as it was the easiest way for them to look in the bladder and connecting tubes to look for polyps or stones which they think may be the cause.

I do have some worries about what is wrong with me and do want to find the cause of the problem, but weighing up in my mind the trauma of the suggested procedure against not finding out, still leads me to refuse the cystoscopy.

I have thought about sedation, but again I'm terrified of not being in control, of making myself vulnerable to strangers. I've read different people's experiences of sedation, some can remember everything, some remember nothing and that idea also freaks me out as it would be almost like being drugged and raped.

I know my feelings sound extreme...I just want to know if there are other people like me.

[dottydolly]

Take a friend.

Get the drugs as L suggests.

Tell friend to watch and make sure your wishes are being followed and let the doctor know that the friend means business.

[DJ]

The friend idea is a very good one.

[first78]

Mar 14, 2012 9:00:00 GMT DJ said:

The friend idea is a very good one.

I'm afraid the thought of having someone there doesn't help me at all. My wife offered to come along but that wouldn't make a difference...I cannot consent to this type of invasive procedure...whether I'm drugged, whether someone is with me...it is still rape.

I'm sorry if I'm not explaining myself well

[DJ]

Maybe you should explain this to your GP so that he/she has an idea of the strength of your feelings on the matter. There may be an alternative procedure available which you would find less traumatic.

However if you're struggling to even let your GP take your blood pressure then perhaps some kind of counselling or therapy would be helpful at this stage?

[first78]

Mar 14, 2012 10:08:54 GMT DJ said:

Maybe you should explain this to your GP so that he/she has an idea of the strength of your feelings on the matter. There may be an alternative procedure available which you would find less traumatic.

However if you're struggling to even let your GP take your blood pressure then perhaps some kind of counselling or therapy would be helpful at this stage?

I honestly don't feel I need counselling or therapy...I have strong core feelings that I know will not change.

I don't feel it's that strange to not want a stranger in your personal space, whatever their intentions are towards you. Trust has to be built up over a period of time, just because someone is a doctor I do not feel that gives them my automatic trust...in fact with several negative experiences with previous doctors my current doctor will probably have to work a lot harder to gain my trust.

[leibniz]

Don't do it then.

I'm pretty sure your doctor doesn't want to proceed for his or her own benefit.

If you feel this procedure is akin to rape and this weighs more heavily on the balance than the health benefits it might give you (ie diagnosis and potentially treatment), then just don't do it.

[Earthlysparky]

Mar 13, 2012 9:13:16 GMT Moderators said:

I would really like to know if there are other women out there, especially lesbians, who feel similar to me and whether there are any organisations that can advise me on how to make my feelings clear to a gp about how strongly I feel.

Thanks,

first78

The only people I've ever encountered that feel as you do, have been survivors of rape/abuse. And in every single incidence, they have recognised that these trust/intimacy issues were ones they needed to address and overcome, usually through therapy or counselling.

I appreciate that you are reaching out for support and looking for others that feel as you do, but I honestly believe that you will struggle to find the sort of support you are looking for. You see no issue with how you feel, and therefore no reason for you to try to overcome these feelings. I suspect that most people will take the attitude that, whilst these experiences aren't pleasant, you just have to surrender yourself, have blind faith, and get it over with.

One final point. You said "The thought of having any sort of invasive procedure is no different to rape in my mind."
I can't let that statement go unchallenged.

Rape is about coercion, being forced against your will, having no choice and also often violence and humiliation.

You can refuse an invasive procedure and it will not take place.
If you do agree to the procedure, then you can take for granted that it will be conducted as gently and sympathetically as possible.

I fail to see any parallels here. However, you are entitled to your opinion, as I am mine.

I really hope the above doesn't come across as harsh or unfeeling, as that is truly not my intention

[first78]

Mar 14, 2012 15:36:44 GMT Earthlysparky said:

Mar 13, 2012 9:13:16 GMT Moderators said:

I would really like to know if there are other women out there, especially lesbians, who feel similar to me and whether there are any organisations that can advise me on how to make my feelings clear to a gp about how strongly I feel.

Thanks,

first78

The only people I've ever encountered that feel as you do, have been survivors of rape/abuse. And in every single incidence, they have recognised that these trust/intimacy issues were ones they needed to address and overcome, usually through therapy or counselling.

I appreciate that you are reaching out for support and looking for others that feel as you do, but I honestly believe that you will struggle to find the sort of support you are looking for. You see no issue with how you feel, and therefore no reason for you to try to overcome these feelings. I suspect that most people will take the attitude that, whilst these experiences aren't pleasant, you just have to surrender yourself, have blind faith, and get it over with.

One final point. You said "The thought of having any sort of invasive procedure is no different to rape in my mind."
I can't let that statement go unchallenged.

Rape is about coercion, being forced against your will, having no choice and also often violence and humiliation.

You can refuse an invasive procedure and it will not take place.
If you do agree to the procedure, then you can take for granted that it will be conducted as gently and sympathetically as possible.

I fail to see any parallels here. However, you are entitled to your opinion, as I am mine.

I really hope the above doesn't come across as harsh or unfeeling, as that is truly not my intention

You are of course entitled to your opinion and I don't take it personally...however I do want to try and explain:

yes, rape is about coercion...which can be about bullying and intimidating a person into doing something which they do not want to do. Maybe I've just been unlucky with doctors but I have found that many try to bully or intimidate me into doing things rather than try to understand my point of view and respect it. I have been made to feel I have to have things done and that I do not have a choice...and especially when I was younger and my parents made decisions for me I did not have choice.

Rape should not be defined by the perpetrator's intentions, but by the victim's experience.

I'm sure that the majority of health professionals do try to conduct invasive procedures as gently and sympathetically as possible, there are however always exceptions to this where the person having the procedure is not listened to and their views are not respected and they come away feeling humiliated.

So yes, I do still feel justified in seeing invasive procedures as rape.

[DJ]

Yes doctors can sometimes make you feel a bit as though you're on a conveyor belt and like they're hurrying you through the processes in an almost dehumanising way.

How would it be if you took your wife with you to the GP to discuss things? So you feel there's someone there to take your part if you feel pressurised? In fact if she's comfortable with it, you could even ask her to take the lead in the discussion to make 100% sure no-one coerces you.

[first78]

My wife is coming to my next appointment to support me and to ensure my feelings and views are listened to. We both feel there are other options that can be considered and my wife respects my decision not to consent to anything invasive. Will be so glad when this next appointment is over with.

Mar 14, 2012 19:53:32 GMT DJ said:

Yes doctors can sometimes make you feel a bit as though you're on a conveyor belt and like they're hurrying you through the processes in an almost dehumanising way.

How would it be if you took your wife with you to the GP to discuss things? So you feel there's someone there to take your part if you feel pressurised? In fact if she's comfortable with it, you could even ask her to take the lead in the discussion to make 100% sure no-one coerces you.

[leibniz]

Good luck, I hope it all goes well.

[Earthlysparky]

I'm glad that your wife is being so supportive Hopefully, between the pair of you and your GP, you'll find a way through all this, and get better soon.