Bereavement, your experience

[leibniz]

That is so awful when considerations like bank hols etc. come in the way of your grief and make things more difficult.
I hope the bereavement officer and the funeral director are being helpful to you.

[obeeky]

We've got the medical certificate now. All other appointments next Wednesday. The pain comes in waves of loss. I know it will get easier and I just have to get through it for now.

[obeeky]

these are the poems I can't decide between. Any preferences will help me narrow it down. He enjoyed his life, liked water and didn't want to be grieved over. He wanted us to get on with our lives and not worry about him.

I Am There - Iris Hesselden

Look for me when the tide is high
And the gulls are wheeling overhead
When the autumn wind sweeps the cloudy sky
And one by one the leaves are shed
Look for me when the trees are bare
And the stars are bright in the frosty sky
When the morning mist hangs on the air
And shorter darker days pass by.
I am there, where the river flows
And salmon leap to a silver moon
Where the insects hum and the tall grass grows
And sunlight warms the afternoon
I am there in the busy street
I take you hand in the city square
In the market place where the people meet
In your quiet room - I am there
I am the love you cannot see
And all I ask is - look for me


Song - Christina Rossetti

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.
I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain;
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember
And Haply may forget.


The Unknown Shore - Elizabeth Clark Hardy

Sometime at Eve when the tide is low
I shall slip my moorings and sail away
With no response to a friendly hail
In the silent hush of the twilight pale
When the night stoops down to embrace the day
And the voices call in the water's flow
Sometime at Eve When the water is low
I shall slip my moorings and sail away.
Through purple shadows
That darkly trail o'er the ebbing tide
And the Unknown Sea,
And a ripple of waters' to tell the tale
Of a lonely voyager sailing away
To mystic isles
Where at anchor lay
The craft of those who had sailed before
O'er the Unknown Sea
To the Unknown Shore
A few who watched me sail away
Will miss my craft from the busy bay
Some friendly barques were anchored near
Some loving souls my heart held dear
In silent sorrow will drop a tear
But I shall have peacefully furled my sail
In mooring sheltered from the storm and gale
And greeted friends who had sailed before
O'er the Unknown Sea
To the Unknown Shore


The Parting Glass - Irish Traditional

Oh all the time that e'er I spent,
I spent it in good company;
And any harm that e'er I've done,
I trust it was to none but me;
May those I've loved through all the years
Have memories now they'll e'er recall;
So fill me to the parting glass,
Goodnight, and joy be with you all.
Oh all the comrades that e'er I had,
Are sorry for my going away;
And all the loved ones that e'er I had
Would wish me one more day to stay.
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should leave and you should not,
I'll gently rise and I'll softly call
Goodnight, and joy be with you all.
Of all good times that e'er we shared,
I leave to you fond memory;
And for all the friendship that e'er we had
I ask you to remember me;
And when you sit and stories tell,
I'll be with you and help recall;
So fill to me the parting glass,
God bless, and joy be with you all.


Afterglow - Unknown

I'd like the memory of me
to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an afterglow
of smiles when life is done.
I'd like to leave an echo
whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times
and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve,
to dry before the sun
of happy memories
that I leave when life is done.


If I should go - Joyce Grenfell

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.

Memories - Unknown

I thought of you with love today
but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday
and days before that too.
I think of you in silence
I often speak your name
All I have are memories
and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake
with which I'll never part
God has you in His keeping
I have you in my heart.


One At Rest - Unknown

Think of me as one at rest,
for me you should not weep
I have no pain no troubled thoughts
for I am just asleep
The living thinking me that was,
is now forever still
And life goes on without me now,
as time forever will.
If your heart is heavy now
because I've gone away
Dwell not long upon it friend
For none of us can stay
Those of you who liked me,
I sincerely thank you all
And those of you who loved me,
I thank you most of all.
And in my fleeting lifespan,
as time went rushing by
I found some time to hesitate,
to laugh, to love, to cry
Matters it now if time began
If time will ever cease?
I was here, I used it all,
and now I am at peace.



Goodbye my family, my life is past
I loved you all to the very last
Weep not for me, but courage take
Love each other for my sake
For those you love don't go away
They walk beside you every day

[betty]

they are all very beautiful, touching poems keebo, they gave me wet eye.

its very difficult to choose but I'm sure the most suitable will jump out at you

[leibniz]

Oh God Keebo. I like them all a lot apart from The Parting Glass, but they'll all be impossible to read without crying. They're all beautiful. Sorry that's not helpful for narrowing down.

[s.a.m]

Based on what you have said ^ about your Dad, I would say either Afterglow or One At Rest. Is your family a particularly religious one? I guess if they are you might choose a more God-y one. I'm sure your Dad would have liked whichever you choose Keebs, they're all pretty apt

[obeeky]

he didn't want a ceremony, that bit is for us! We are carrying out all his wishes except that we want a proper goodbye. Only the reverend (my brother in law) is religious and he's leading the service.

[DJ]

Oh I love the Joyce Grenfell one, but that's my personal taste.

It would be the easiest to read out without howling because it's short, and ends on a happier note.

[garfield]

They are all beautiful keebs, chose the one that touches you the most. ... Words from the heart, although those are the hardest to say without crying.... A lot!

[Earthlysparky]

I think the Joyce Grenfell is most "him", with Afterglow coming a close second.

[tofu]

i love the joyce grenfell one because despite the sadness and depth of loss, it ends on a happier note...

[tofu]

today would have been my mum's birthday...


...this is always a really hard day for me because i remember the flowers and the cakes, the laughing and the fuss without fussing...

[obeeky]

What was your mum like Tofu? How did she fuss without fussing?

[tofu]

she was a strong, funny, and kind woman...very a great sense of fairness which got her escorted home by the police from demos more than once ;D

she'd had a hard life, born in a very poor family in the 1920s, lived and worked through the 2nd world war...she had 6 kids (im the youngest) and was sadly widowed in her 40s

she was very down to earth, well known in her community, and great at giving out advice and tea to all the neighbourhood

her favourite saying was "i'm a very fortunet woman" which she really meant...she felt blessed...we had this inscribed on her gravestone

[obeeky]

she sounds wonderful and you sound rightly proud of her

I went to look at where dad will be buried, it is truly lovely, there were red kites and skylarks, butterflies and sheep. I know he will be at peace there and I know I can go and sit up there with him whenever I want to.