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Post by sleepytigercub on Apr 22, 2011 20:02:12 GMT
Goes here....
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Post by ureally1a on Apr 25, 2011 4:20:55 GMT
As the anniversary of mums death gets closer my pain gets deeper....
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Post by mimaduck on Apr 25, 2011 9:05:49 GMT
((ur1a)) thinking of you x
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Post by glossy on Apr 27, 2011 16:36:39 GMT
and hugs from me too xxx I am on here for a bit of advice really...my mum died about a month ago.We never got on that well but we kind of tolerated one another cos of the mother daughter bond.Anyhow last night one of my (3) sisters brought round a diary.It had been mums and she had written in it since 1979 (when my dad died) my sister said she and another sis had read it and thought I should too as a lot of it had to do with me,THEN she said a lot of its quite nasty especially about Fran (my partner0 but it will give you a good insight into how she was feeling!!!I dont really want to read this as I know how mum felt but why would she write it down?My other sis (the one who has not yet read this thing always said that after mum died we would find a diary....I dunno what I am asking here but maybe I should read it and see if it's any good dunno I mean it could be the work of a literary genius Its vile having it in the house I will prob give it to other sis.She also gave me bits of unfinished knitting mum had started for me to complete1
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Post by sleepytigercub on Apr 27, 2011 16:51:03 GMT
How awful, Glossy. I wouldn't read it, at least not now... maybe a few years down the road. You know how she felt, and you know it was negative, so why put yourself through reading it? I suppose you'll have to choose between not knowing eating you up, and living with having read it. If you can live with not knowing, I'd go for that option. I think your sisters would have mentioned if she was a literary genius. Does beloved know of its existence?
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Post by glossy on Apr 27, 2011 17:01:51 GMT
not yet
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Post by Earthlysparky on Apr 27, 2011 17:46:22 GMT
I don't think I'd be able to stop myself reading it, even knowing that it was likely to be painful. However, you do know that it's not going to be nice, and you already know how she felt, so if you can be strong enough to not read it, it would probably be for the best.
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Post by sleepytigercub on Apr 27, 2011 18:02:15 GMT
I might be a little worried that one of your sisters would blab in front of beloved and that she would feel hurt not to have known about it, even if you hadn't read it, but otherwise I think not reading it is the best revenge in a way. Perhaps she wrote it down thinking it would have an effect from beyond the grave. Not reading it takes that power away. Maybe you should tell her of it's existence and make the decision together? I wouldn't like to be in your shoes right now {{Glo}}
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spirit
Member
Let them throw their curses. If inside, I am connected to what's true, my soul stays quiet and clear
Posts: 3,986
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Post by spirit on Apr 27, 2011 18:02:47 GMT
That's awful Glossy. I agree with STC. I def wouldn't read it..not yet. Unless you feel strong enough to cope with the possible emotional backlash. My Mum died 4 years ago. We never fell out, just were not that close. I found when she died, that i was grieving for the Mum i didn't have, and the relationship that i felt we should've had. Not to mention the guilt i held about not feeling as upset as i thought i should! I was the only member of my family who chose not to be at her bedside when she died. But i had spent the entire day with her earlier, alone, and watched her grip the sheets and cry out as she gasped for breath. It was awful, and i didn't want to stay there any longer and wait for her to die. I also didn't go to see her in the chapel of rest. I was in a very fragile place emotionally at that time, and just knew i would not cope. I realised that i was feeding into other peoples stereotypes of how to grieve and what to feel. It's not a league table. I grieved in my own way, and feel no guilt whatsoever.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2011 19:31:35 GMT
i used to use diarys as a way of getting out what was in so perhaps your mum needed to let out her thoughts as she didn't/couldn't bring them up with you. i know my mum wouldn't tell me what she was thinking. i don't get on with her either. to read them is knowing your mums thoughts and thats it. its not nice what she's said, you know that. but do you really need to read it in her handwriting? i think you should just leave it at that and carry on like you have been doing. curiosity did kill the cat and i don't think you want to kill the memory you have of your mum. its not as if you can bring up any question's you have with her is it. what's been done had been done. keep the diary in a safe place somewhere where only you know it is.
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Post by ureally1a on Apr 27, 2011 23:00:36 GMT
Thanks glo
Sorry to hear of your dilema...i think you should tell beloved because she will more than likely find out from someone else. Things like that are better off coming from a loved one. As to whether or not you read it is totally up to you. Only you can decide that. When my mum was in ITU with ARDS (she survived it with a 10% survival rate) i found out stuff that i kept secret from my family, i dont know if i was protecting them or her at the time. Then when mum died 2 months after coming home from hosp i had to deal with the fallout and everything coming out into the open. I never got to ask mum her side and it eats at me every day. I guess what im trying to say is that if its eating away at you read it, read how she felt in her own words. I wish i had the chance to hear my mums side of the shite i had/have to deal with
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Post by ureally1a on Apr 27, 2011 23:02:50 GMT
Saying that i really miss mum everyday and i have so many words unsaid and lessons unlearned
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Post by leibniz on Apr 28, 2011 5:36:10 GMT
Sorry to hear that Glo, you're in an awful position. If she was really nasty to your partner in them, as someone else said, if you read them and it upsets both of you, your mum wins.
I also agree that it would be good to talk to your girlfriend about it, and the sooner the better so she doesn't realise she's been deliberately left out of the loop of something that actually concerns her too. Make her feel your mum's thoughts are irrelevant to you, by making her part of the decision.
I'm sure you'll do what's right for you both anyway, good luck!
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Post by glossy on Apr 28, 2011 11:36:04 GMT
thanks everyone....I have discussed this with beloved and she also thinks not to read it....but we will give it to other sister and then she can decide what she wants to do....the longer it stays in my house the more I want to have a wee peek!
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Swamp Ophelia
Member
what if everything we have adds up to nothing - emily saliers
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Post by Swamp Ophelia on Apr 28, 2011 17:22:22 GMT
((Glo)) i'm kinda leaning toward the 'ignorance is bliss' theory. i dont think i'd read it and i'm glad that you have given beloved the option.
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